New whoopee cushion – product review.

In this exciting episode I review the Air Hawk R Rev-B seat cushion.

Anyone who has ridden a motorcycle for more than 12 minutes in a row will know that, although bikes are better than cars in every possible way, they are a stupid way to get around because they hurt your bum. Not in a prison sex kind of way, just in a slowly increasing pressure and ache in the poop-shoot that grows to a howling annoyance that can make you want to cry. You know, like Simon Cowell.

So you can buy motorcycle seat cushions for your little cottage on brown lane, the most highly rated is the Air Hawk. I just tried it out for the first time on the Much Loved Sprint.

Now, I did not take a long ride, so this may need to be updated, I just popped up the road to Safeway to get something for dinner, a frozen chicken Kiev, which I placed in the top box to cook.

The Airhawk is a semi inflatable device that has a little nozzle that you inflate and you have to let the air out a bit as you sit on it to get to the right pressure for your own particular weight and the shape of your dumper.

So, I strapped it on, gave it a good blow, straddled it and twiddled the end for a release, exactly as it showed in the instructions.

My initial feeling was that even a half an inch, when it comes to ones keister, is really noticeable. My second reaction was that it pushed me forward a bit in the riding position.

As discussed in a previous blog, the Much Loved is a Sport Tourer, the sport part of which means the riding position is a little more aggressive than a cruiser or an adventure bike, therefore your back leans forward, weight more over the handlebars and as it relates to this review, it also means your family jewels are right up against the tank.

So when I say that the seat cushion pushes you forward, I mean that the twig and berries, already under pressure, become quickly quite intimately involved with the tank, like if you had just met an Essex girl on the dance floor in Ibiza.

So, like I said, I did not go on a long ride, just up to the shops, I am not sure this is a fair review at this point. It did seem like there was real value to be had in the comfort for the fart factory, although, the increased weight on the dickenbalz may negate that? I don’t want to jump to conclusions because, given the riding position, the proximity to the tank will always make the old banana and plums go a little numb anyway, so maybe the new cushion will just accelerate the process and I won’t notice my walrus faced man jubblies at all and will just be happy to have more comfort in the chocolate pantry? Perhaps, having less irritation in the captain’s quarters will out weigh the potential irritation to Ricardo and the twins? Is it possible that I may enjoy increased vibration for my spunk nuggets and the reduced annoyance to Botty von Thunderhausen be just a side benefit? As I learn more I will reveal everything to you immediately.

My biggest concern is whether or not this effect will make any difference in performance for Willly and The Bronads or Dr Sphincternstein?

The good news is that the air hawk has some room for adjustment. It may be that if the numbness in my wedding tackle becomes unbearable, I can reach down between my legs and fiddle with it a bit.

I hope I haven’t pushed my point too hard but when it comes to taking care of my honey baked buns, I like to hammer it home.

Now Dora the 1200 Explorer is a horse of a different colour. I have yet to try the airhawk on the Explorer but I am expecting a very different experience. The riding position is completely different for a start. My gentleman’s sausage is in less peril while riding a tiger as I generally find myself in a much more upright position. That is not to say that my fudge dispenser can not get sore on a long ride, believe me it can ache like young catholic after a tough day at sunday school, I just do not think the air hawk will have the same effect on my dingaling and dong pillows as it does while on the Sprint.

This, obviously is no laughing matter, me and My Mate Chris are going to be sitting astride these throbbing monsters of ours for hour after hour, day after day, our chutney cupboards will be taking quite a pounding so the thought of our trouser snakes and giggle-fruit being royally battered does add a new level of anguish, I am sure you agree?

The true test is yet to come, it may not be as bad as first observed. If the worst comes to worst and the Airhawk causes too much irritation to my John Thomas, I can always stop on the side of the road and pull it off.

Also, COCK.

As always you comments are welcome and really add to the fun. What you got?